December 2008
35 posts
This is my online persona.
do not FUCK WITH ME
24 years old
and still relegated to the kids’ table.
Daily Workout Regimen Update
Since the cold season began, I’ve packed on a few pounds. This is nature’s way of keeping the human body warm. As a human, however, I know it’s my responsibility to work against nature, whatever it may be trying to do. So today I started working out to keep fit. I did:
13 1/2 Pushups.
55 crunches.
It’s also important to be concious of your diet. I’ve...
On Life
I guess the ultimate goal is to just become comfortable in your own skin. I had a moment last week where I looked forward to my thirties. Which is weird because I’ve been terrified of getting old for the last 2 years. I still am, but for one brief moment I wasn’t and that’s progress I guess.
Sorry to change the subject but whoever spilled lamb’s blood on my sofa should...
“was this what you need but i left our movies this
.
.
.
...”
– A Spam E-mail
Smoking Kills
THIS Dachshund has died – because of his cigarette habit.
Pup General Edi loved munching his way through cigarettes but was hit by a car on his way to get more fags.
RIP General Edi
I just saw a band that had 4 tambourines on stage...
Excessive.
last night
last night was freakin’ wild. first of all, trish was trippin’ on magic mushroom and kept talking about the “elemental oneness of all” and i was all, “trish, shut the eff up”. so anyway we stopped at seven eleven to pick up some Sparks. cuz that’s my drink, y’all. u never gonna see me at the club without one in my hand. derek had this cute as...
The Great Trajedy of Mankind According to Google
“The great tragedy of mankind is that they spend a lifetime learning about science, history, and humanity and miss God in it all.”
“the great tragedy of mankind is that, while man is just like all the other animals in that he will one day die and cease to exist, he is the only creature sufficiently evolved to be aware of his fate. And man is scared silly by the prospect...
Dating Tip #1
If you’re out to dinner, always make sure you take the first bite off of your date’s plate. This establishes dominance and lets her know you’re not interested in being “just friends”.
movie idea
How the Christ Stole Grinchmas
i'm going to draw a line in the sand
anyone who thinks we should go to town hall and tell the mayor what’s what should come over to my side
congratulations me!
I made it into the DSM IV! I’d like to thank everyone involved in the publication.
you know
maybe if we stopped using “cocksucker” and “suck my dick” with such a disparaging tones, blowjobs would be more generously given.
cat ass trophy
something happened again, but this time it was better. i’m off to the lake to drown my electronics.
the problem
Outside there are cars passing—trucks and bicycles and pedestrians too—but we’re all too consumed by this problem to hear them. This problem has creeped its way up from the center of the Earth. It has slithered its way through the burning magma, layers of rock and dirt, into our sewage system, emerging through the gutters, along the sidewalks, into our homes, burrowed its way...
a moratorium
i’m calling for a moratorium on “bless you”s directed towards myself until i get over this cold
let's talk about being a girl
because frankly, i have no idea what the heck that’s like…
THIS WEEKEND
all these guys were like rubbing my stomach—the inside of my stomach, mind you—so i swallowed a spider to catch the guys. i dunno why i swallowed the guys, perhaps it will result in a clearer insight into ourselves.
“So you see that the Zen practice involves using words to get beyond words, where...”
– Alan Watts
“An average of twenty-six people die in (or on) elevators in the United States...”
– The New Yorker
jokes
Is it possible to converse with the girl 15- TI of years about a sexual question?
Yes, if you want to enlarge your horizon.
overheard
“living with a tranny is hard work” - guy outside elevator
The Greatest Irony
The greatest irony of our time is probably a guy getting hit by an ambulance on his way to an ambulance driver’s safety convention and leaving behind his wife and kids to fend for themselves in the Worst Financial Crisis Since Probably the Great Depression.
Ben Has Passed Away
Ben is Dead. Long Live Ben.
JTT
today i searched Jonathan Taylor Thomas on google news and was disappointed with the results. then i searched Jonathan Taylor Thomas on google image search and it was better.
it's winter
that means it’s time to pick up smoking again
hay bay bay
let’s start making art again WHY THE HECK NOT??
cool
i just came across an obscure 13th century .txt file. the damn thing is corrupted!!
you ever get that feeling
that someone can see right down to your core and doesn’t like you? you can be perfectly nice and funny and cool to them but they see past all that and see what a terrible person you are. well you’re right, i can.