Someone recommend me a book. I’d prefer fiction—historical fiction maybe. It should be dense as a motherfucker and at least 1000 pages. It would be great if it was originally written in a dead language (dead now, not necessarily when it was written), but translated into French, German or Italian. I’d like it to be leather-bound, and have the edges of the pages all raggedy like some books are.. I like that. If the book came with some kind of custom carrying case that would be nice too—just a nice leather satchel matching the book binding, nothing too fancy. The book should make obscure architectural references that I don’t understand until I read the October 1987 issue of Architectural Digest. It should exclusively use gender-neutral pronouns. It would be cool if the protagonist was Black, I guess. That about covers it. If you’ve read anything like this lately, let me know.

*By read I mean read 2 chapters then put on my bookshelf as a trophy.