A

Afghan - Once per winter season.

B

Board Shorts - Once per summer season.

C

Cardigans - NEVER wash.

D

Denim - Every two weeks.
Dungarees - See Overalls.
Dress - I dunno.

F

Flannel Shirts - Whenever you feel like it.

G

Galoshes - These are self-washing.

H

Hats - Don’t wash your damn hats.

I

There are no clothing items that start with this letter.

J

Jeans - Just Every Autumn Never Summer (a mnemonic device to remember when to wash your jeans).

K

Kilts - According to this poll, every few years.

L

Lederhosen - Once a year, after Oktoberfest.

M

There are no clothing items that start with this letter.

N

There are no clothing items that start with this letter.

O

Overalls - Every 7 wears.

P

Pajamas - Only wear pajamas once then throw them out because sleep-sweat is particularly pungent.
Panties - See underpants.
Pants - There are many kinds of pants—check the label.

Q

There are no clothing items that start with this letter.

R

There are no clothing items that start with this letter.

S

Shirts - When the pit-stains wear through.
Sweaters - Don’t wash! They shrink!

T

T-Shirts - Wear once, discard.

U

Underpants - These get smelly really quick! Wash them often especially if you have sex or poop a lot.

V

Vest - FUck you.

X

X-Ray Specs - Don’t wash they might short out.

Y

Yarmulka - Consult the Torah.

Z

There are no clothing items that start with this letter.